My SPRIT, SOUL and my STRENGTH

Everything within myself has become more calm. I am not sure as to how, but I know as I sleep I travel far from where I lay. I know that my spirit has broken free of pain I have had inside me for so long. And for so long it has poisoned me. My life has been an experiment, and although that experiment has failed, I am rebirthing myself. For so long I have been able to respect myself, but never truly loving myself. I looked to others to see what there is to love of me. To try to see what I deserved of love from another. Though I cast my own downfall in relying on others for such a thing, I have come to realize that the love I need more in my life, is love for myself. I grew up watching, and learning. I became impassioned by ideals, and in life I found the only way I could truly see them is to live by them. Through this I came to respect myself. I respected myself by the strength I kept in honoring old, and sacred ideals. I has taken me far too long to understand, that I should love myself for them as well. That I need not seek love in someone else, merely share it with someone. There is no greater gift you can give, then to help someone to truly smile with their heart, and I almost forgot my own hearts worth through all that has come to pass. It is time that I return to the path I set out on so long ago, and to do this I need my heart. I have come to know my own capabilities with my heart. Though love may fail, as long as I love myself, and do not faulter to my ways, I shall not fall away from my own spirit. It has taken me a considerable amount of time to awaken further, and to realize that what I have put so much faith into, can not always comes to ones wishes, when it is not of their own being. I have come to know the darkness, and it has come to know the light, and I am not influenced by either, but it is my own choice to make. Beyond this waking, I have come to know, in this life, or another, that the love I create within, will find its way to the one who needs it. Though not all paths may cross, mine is for a purpose, and another shall cross my spirit to shine brighter in the darkness.

Ray- "My search has ended in one level"

E.U.P.H.O.R.I.A

I want us to sit together in a field of dry grass in a comfortable in awkward silence, focusing on pure emotion and intoxicating sensuality. I'd like for us to stand back in the dark, in dark garments, blending in with the night, Invisible. Watching strangers when they think that no one is watching.

Every so often I will become infatuated with someone. I am not sure if that is the word I am looking for. The object/s of my infatuation can be anyone from characters in books to people online who I have never met face to face before; people who I never (or rarely) see in physical form, just through the beauty of their words. Their gender is irrelevant to me. There are very few things that can compare to that euphoric enchantment of discovering someone or something that I can admire. For years I have thought that it would be nice to have someone to pretend things with; to look at the world around us and see familiar things as something magical. It used to be easier to pretend. I was thinking maybe, as an adult, its easier to become swept away by make-believe when it involves two (or more) adult minds. The imaginative powers combine powerfully and it doesn't seem at all like an adult trying to recapture something lost.

I want to wash your hair with strawberry scented shampoo and watch it wind dry on a cool, breezy gray day under a white sky; petting each others soft hair and looking into each others eyes. Meloncholia,joy,euphoria all combined. The sadness we�ve felt, the loneliness, cruelty & depression that has been a part of our experiences is no longer forced to the back of our minds. The aesthetics of it romanticize it for us so it is more acceptable and rather than it being a burden it is an art form.And it is something that attracts me to you: Your ability to make those type of emotions have an enchanting, peaceful almost euphoric feeling attached to them. It makes me feel very joyful. Who would have thought that what's considered the 'darker' emotions could make a person feel such bliss?

Ray Wanderer

"I know where I am going & I am going"

Purpose of Life?

Thousand times at the least, I have toyed with the question as to Who am I? I am not the body, for it has to go away one day. I am not the mind, for its to do with my unique pattern of thinking and habbits & it seems like the societie's garbage can. Am I the consciousness? the is'ness, the thing beyond the relams of expression by any language. Second question, Why am I here? What is the purpose? I look at my life, the way it has been,sometimes I look at the whole century, I even go one thousand years in the reverse direction. I have no clear cut answers.The fog remains.... I really wish I could percieve my birth vision & the world vision. Thats why I call myself a wanderer in search of self who believes that things are getting better in the world admist all the noise and confusion.

Ray Wanderer

"In search of self"

What is fear on a personal level?

What is fear on a personal level?

This is fairly simple. Not meaning here to give you the impression that your whole life is simple, but understand here that the process of living, the process of enjoying life is your ability to accept it. The more restrictions you place upon yourself regardless of your physical or mental disabilities, the more you express doubt, incapacity, inability and something less than of an achievement for what it is that you are.

By that of your own spiritual DNA you have created yourself, you have created your format, you have created your environment. You have placed into it soldiers, you have placed into it priests and priestesses, lovers, brothers, sisters, etc. that you co-habitate with and in those game playing it could develop into war as this earth plane shows it most frequently. Because of it's intensity of mistrust you build walls about yourself for protection, you build ramparts to shoot from should you be antagonized, but in fact you are only shooting at yourself, and so in simple terms what is FEAR?
You are just not willing to accept yourself in your most infinite power. You play upon yourself to be less than you really are and that image of being less makes you afraid because that is not really you. Yes

Views on Marriage!

We all learn from life, I too have some from my own experience , some from others.


Marriage is not an animalistic primordial urge...it is a union between 2 souls (regardless of any other attributes) that is supposed to be a spiritual bond,a promise, an oath that will help both rise above the lower chambers of INCOMPLETE singularity.

Only after our crossing to the other side shall our soul rejoice on its own with out the need for our mirror only then white-robed purity will unite in one person masculine (NOT MALE) and feminine (NOT FEMALE)

wisdom, love, spiritual understanding and perpetual peace.

Ray
"Wandering the inner spaces"